|
|
Post by BlackDragan on Sept 26, 2005 13:24:26 GMT
|
|
|
|
Post by Draganess on Oct 20, 2005 20:28:23 GMT
Customer: I’m trying to get on Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer:Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD
player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
===============
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
===============
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still
on my desk... sorry....
===============
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
===============
Tech support: Good day! How may I help you?
Customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, d**n it!
===============
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Mike, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
===============
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
===============
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work
===============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
===============
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
===============
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer : sorry...Internet Explorer.
===============
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?!
Customer: Well, I have the letter ' a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
===============
A customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
===============
And last but not least:....
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
|
|
|
|
Post by -=\ScouseHouse/=- on Oct 21, 2005 12:21:43 GMT
lol ;D
|
|
|
|
Post by malakie01 on Nov 6, 2005 5:02:24 GMT
lol
|
|
|
|
Post by Draganess on Nov 6, 2005 12:08:25 GMT
An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, recently moved to Texas.
Ray has always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.
He walks into the house and says to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Bessie looks him over, "Nope."
Frustrated, Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different now??"
Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Ray yells," AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!!"
To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat."
|
|
|
|
Post by Slifer on Nov 6, 2005 19:20:56 GMT
|
|
|
|
Post by Draganess on Nov 6, 2005 21:07:24 GMT
pmsl
|
|
|
|
Post by Slifer on Nov 29, 2005 5:06:38 GMT
|
|
|
|
Post by Slifer on Nov 29, 2005 5:08:40 GMT
|
|
|
|
Post by Slifer on Nov 29, 2005 5:26:38 GMT
|
|
|
|
Post by Draganess on Nov 29, 2005 6:55:02 GMT
I love the one about the underground that did have me in stitches, love the others too but I have seen one or two of them before.
|
|
|
|
Post by Draganess on Dec 3, 2005 9:14:34 GMT
I got these sent in an email from wulfa thougth you lot would apreciate them too
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.
2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a d**n.
3. How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?
4. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
5. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
6. Ahhh, I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
7. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
8. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.
9. Are you coming on to me or having a seizure?
10. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
Useful Expressions for those HIGH STRESS moments
1. Well, aren't we just a ray of f*cking sunshine?
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
4. Do I look like a bloody people person?
5. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
6. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
7. You! Off my planet!!
8. Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
9. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
10. I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
11. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
12. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
13. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
14. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
15. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
16. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
17. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
18. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
19. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
20. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
21. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
22. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
23. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
24. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
25. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
26. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
27. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
28. Just smile and say "Yes, Master"
29. Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
30. Earth is full. Go home.
31. Is it time for your medication or mine?
32. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
33. I plead contemporary insanity.
34. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
35. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
36. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
|
|
